Through The Bible in a Year - September 24, 2026

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” - Ephesians 5:25

The word “gospel” simply means good news. So, when Paul calls husbands to reflect Christ’s love by loving their wives as Christ loved the church, he is calling them to be—in the most practical sense gospel-reflecting husbands—good news husbands. When they come through the door, that arrival should feel like good news to everyone in the home.

But Paul doesn’t leave that as a vague aspiration. He gives it a specific definition. Husbands are to love “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” The measure of a gospel husband is not the amount of control he exerts over another by his authority or his title. It’s his self-giving influence upon another. This is not expressed by the absence of authority but by the caring use of it.

Christ loved the church not by exploiting his divine privileges, but by relinquishing them. He emptied Himself of heaven’s glory and power. He took the form of a servant. He gave Himself up by modeling godliness in an evil world and by suffering for others upon the cross.

The model Scripture gives husbands to emulate is not that of a king demanding personal service, nor is it a passive bystander excusing himself from responsibility. A servant-leader is one whose authority is expressed through example and sacrifice for the wellbeing of another. Where authority must be exercised counter to the desires of a spouse, it is never simply to fulfill the desires of a husband. It is to submit a family to the desires of God and to build all up in the grace of God.

My wife, Kathy, and I have sometimes described our newlywed year in marriage conferences—four part-time jobs, a small house, a very small bank account. One day, when the washing machine broke, I asked Kathy to call the repairman and I left for work. Days passed and I discovered she still hadn’t called. When I pressed her, she dissolved into tears of shame—afraid she’d do it wrong, cost money we didn’t have, fail.

My honest reaction to that self-doubting response was this: “My word, Kathy—how is it that after only a year of being married to me, you (an amazing musician, scholar, and church leader) feel so incapable that you cannot call a repairman? What have I done to you?”

Honest reflection (and real fear that I was unconsciously repeating behaviors of my parents) caused me to recognize patterns of control and selfishness I had adopted—subtle ways I was building myself up by diminishing my wife. There was no dramatic cruelty. Just the slow erosion of her confidence by my ways of being present.

The gospel husband is willing to ask, “Does my presence in our home give my wife more confidence or less? Does she feel more capable, more treasured, more like herself—or less? What makes these questions appropriate is the example of how Christ’s leadership affects his bride, the church. Through him she is made radiant and made to feel precious, treasured, and equipped for her calling in the world.

Respond: Husbands: where has your presence in your home—even unintentionally—made your wife feel less capable, less confident, less treasured? Where has your way of leading been more about your convenience than her flourishing?

This week, consider asking your wife one honest question: “Is there anything I do that makes you feel less capable or cared for?” And then listen carefully.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, You gave Yourself up for Your bride. You emptied Yourself for her flourishing. Forgive me for the ways I’m tempted to build myself up at my wife’s expense—overtly or subtly, consciously or unconsciously. Help me to be good news when I walk through the door. Help my presence make her more the godly and capable woman you intend her to be, not less. In Your name, Amen.