Through The Bible in a Year - October 14, 2026
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” - Ephesians 6:4
When it comes to instructions for children’s behavior, we might readily assume that Scripture would begin with rules for children to follow. Instead, the very first instruction in this passage is aimed at parents: do not provoke — or exasperate — your children. The word was used in the Old Testament for the Heavenly Father’s own exasperation with the constantly rebelling children of Israel. However, in the New Testament, Paul reverses the direction, warning fathers not to give their children cause for anger or resentment because of responsibilities the fathers have not carried out. Parents are not to require of their children what they themselves will not do. For example, whining at a child for whining, or raging at a child for anger at a sibling, or requiring a child to honor the Lord while showing no evidence of honoring Him yourself. Children have a finely tuned instinct for this kind of inconsistency. It exasperates them!
Only after giving that prohibition against parental hypocrisy does Scripture turn positive, telling parents to bring children up in the discipline and instruction — some translations say the nurture and admonition — of the Lord. Notice the pairing in each translation. Parental care provides correction of what is wrong and instruction of what is right. Discipline and nurture function together and both are required. A home that only corrects crushes; a home that only nurtures leaves a child unprepared and unguided for life’s challenges.
Parenting that rightly balances discipline and instruction requires real spiritual discretion. There is no universal formula – no cookie cutter guide for our unique children and their varying circumstances. Rather God tells us that balance is needed and the grace that we have received in appropriate proportions of discipline and instruction is the grace parents are to dispense. Different children need different measures of firmness and grace — what wounds one child barely registers with another though they are both in the same family. So, parents are meant to apply God's wisdom with discretion and love for each particular child, seeking the Lord when the path isn't obvious, and resting in His pardon when we get it wrong.
RESPOND: Is there an area where your children could reasonably call you inconsistent — requiring of them what you do not require of yourself? If so, consider each child in your care individually and ask yourself whether your dealings with them have leaned too far toward correction, or too far toward permissiveness? Then, ask the Lord for renewed care and discretion with that particular relationship. Ask Him for the wisdom to know when to correct and when to instruct so that each one entrusted to your care knows and experiences God’s grace as you have experienced it.
PRAYER: Father, keep me from exasperating those I love by asking of them what I will not do myself. Teach me the balance of discipline and nurture that brings to godly maturity, and give me discernment for nurturing it in each child You have placed in my care. Thank You that when I get it wrong, Your grace still covers me. Please provide grace to guide me as I nurture others in the godly path that honors Christ Jesus. In Jesus' name, amen.