Through The Bible in a Year - October 9, 2026 (Copy)

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” - Ephesians 6:1

Obedience is right — but Scripture assumes obedience “according to capacity.” The instruction in this text is to “children.” The wording should remind us that a child is not just a short adult, but someone we should expect to be growing toward maturity. A young child processes the world with an understanding that is genuinely different from an adult's in ways that can be surprising, even funny, but are entirely appropriate to that stage of development. Expecting adult reasoning and adult self-control from a five-year-old is not the same as holding a child to a biblical standard of holiness; it's simply a misunderstanding of how God designed children to grow.

The biblical pattern for parenting through the stages of childhood may run opposite to our natural instincts and the patterns of our culture. If we are not attuned to Biblical perspectives we may tend to be relaxed and open-handed about misbehavior when children are small. We may perceive the consequences of their disobedience as minor or, even, “cute.” However, this is the very stage of childhood in which parents have the most opportunity to shape their children’s hearts and behavior. Failure to provide consistent discipline in early childhood, almost always means parent will try to clamp down hard as their unruly children enter adolescence. At that time the consequences of misbehavior become so serious that parents discipline out of their panic and pain, insisting on behaviors and attitudes that have not been developed in earlier stages of childhood. Scripture suggests the reverse: guide with a firm hand so that “children” obey while they are little. Then, as understanding and character mature, open the hand — staying present to support, catch, and love, but allowing increasing room to exercise the patterns of judgment and behavior that God intended for parents to instill at earlier stages.

Biblical parenting does not use the childishness of a child to excuse genuine disobedience. When children truly defy what they are capable of understanding and doing, then God’s insistence on obedience must apply for the good of the child. We all must remember that a disobedient child only sees the world’s frown – what we would desire for an enemy. Still, recognizing a child's actual capacity — rather than expecting adult thinking and composure from a mind, body, and set of emotions that have yet to mature — is itself a mark of parental wisdom and love.

RESPOND: Where might you be expecting adult-level reasoning or self-control from a child who isn't developmentally there yet?

Reflect on your own parenting patterns: are you more open-handed about obedience when children are small and clamping down later, or are you guiding closely while your children are young and opening your hand as they grow?

This week, consider speaking with other parents or grandparents about the difference between genuine disobedience and what are simply age-appropriate limitations — and how godly parenting should reflect God’s grace in responding to each differently.

PRAYER: Father, give me wisdom to see my children as they truly are — not miniature adults, but children You are growing stage by stage. Help me guide closely while they are young and release wisely as they grow, always present, always loving, always more concerned for their good than mine. Loving and maturing them in the grace in which Jesus is loving and maturing me. So please mature me so that I can wisely guide my children toward the godly hearts and lives that honor you. In Jesus' name, amen