Through The Bible in a Year - October 5, 2026

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

One sermon illustration told of a mother who followed every parenting book faithfully, expecting a calm, easy infant in return — and instead found herself furious in the middle of the night when her son would not cooperate. Her anger was not really at her child. It was grief that her idols of control and success had failed her. Every parent knows some version of that fury.

Fathers and mothers often discipline out of two very different postures. Due to unacknowledged or unrecognized insecurities, a man may over-discipline, feeling his reputation or control is threatened. By contrast, a woman fearing the rejection or disappointment of an unruly child may under-discipline to maintain a child’s approval or affection. Neither of these approaches comes from a heart made secure in God’s love by Christ’s grace. Hearts made secure by the provisions of grace correct our children with the certainty that we can express whatever sternness or tenderness our children need without risking the love of the Savior who will never leave or forsake us. Such spiritual security frees us to love a child’s spiritual good more than we love that child's good mood.

This is real talk for the hard seasons that parents may face — seasons of relational tension, employment anxiety, or personal exhaustion. Insecurities, fears, and pride may cause parents to react to these seasons by putting greater pressures on children – pressures designed to keep children under control more than understanding the gospel. Of course it’s not good for our children to be out of control, but we may recognize our insecurities are out of control if our corrections are only some version of “remember to obey” rather than “remember whose you are.” A parent secure in God's fatherhood disciplines to build up the spiritual security of a child, not simply to vent or prevent upset.

RESPOND: Ask honestly: when you correct your children (or those under your care), is it more often coming from security in God or from your own insecurity or embarrassment?

Though it may be painful, recall a recent moment of parental anger. What idol — control, reputation, fear of disapproval — might have been underneath it?

Now take just a moment to consider how you might have expressed that anger (which may have been totally justified) “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” rather than in frustration — explaining the why, not just enforcing the what.

PRAYER: Father, You have never once disciplined me out of insecurity or embarrassment. Forgive me for the times I have provoked those I love to anger because I needed to feel in control or respected by others. Make me secure enough in Your love that I can discipline with the sternness or tenderness that is needed for my child’s spiritual good rather than my personal needs. Let the gospel assurances provide for my spiritual security rather than my child’s behavior. In Jesus' name, amen.